did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
