Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
