I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
