You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
