I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
