thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
