I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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