Im at strip club and am horny
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
