My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
