We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
