Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
