Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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