ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
