no, he came in my armpit
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
