I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
