When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
