There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
