i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
