sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
