Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
