I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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