Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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