A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
