one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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