Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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