Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
