she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
