Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
