We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
