Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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