Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
