one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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