Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
