how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
