happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
