Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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