i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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