JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
