and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
