Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
