THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
