He asked to "fluff my boner.."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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