Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
