my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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