I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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