i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
