I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
