Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
