hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
