ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
