I have demons in me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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