Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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