R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
