she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
