that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
