nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
nutella sex= disaster
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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