So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
