6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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