I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
